Forever Changed
by johart
Summary: Someone changed the Gilmore's lives forever
1. Chapter 1

**Forever Changed**

My name is Lorelai Gilmore and I am going to tell you about a series of events that changed our life forever.

A few years ago, I was happy. My 16-year-old daughter was going to Chilton and we lived together comfortably, just me and her in the town of Stars Hollow. Everybody in the town loved us, and we loved everybody. We thought life was perfect. We went to a diner called Luke's to get coffee every day, as Luke was a special friend. I wasn't going out with him, but we were a bit too close to be 'just friends'. Sometime during that time, I started sleeping with Luke. We would do this two or 3 times a week every week, before finally breaking up after just a few months. After that, our relationship was never the same. We would still go to the diner for the best coffee in town, but we weren't exactly friendly towards one another. He was the friendlier towards Rory than to me, as he had always loved her like his own daughter. But it was exactly a week after we had broken up with him that it happened.

_I stared at the stick. It was pink. I thought, "It can't be! I can't have a kid with Luke! I'll be a single mother to two kids!" Yet I knew I wasn't giving Luke enough credit. He would definitely be a father to his child. He would even ask me to marry him. I just knew, though, that I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want help bringing this one up. I'd done it before, I'd do it again – alone. _

_I stuffed the test in my purse as I walked out of the bathroom and stopped. There, in the hallway, Rory was waiting for me._

"_You were in there for ages! You never take that long in the bathroom!" she said to me._

_I stood there for a minute, thinking what to do. There was no doubt that I would tell Rory straight away, after all, she was my best friend. We were more like sisters than mother and daughter. But the problem was, Luke had a right to know about it first – after all, he was the father. And I couldn't not tell him – he'd work it out._

"_Mum," Rory's voice snapped me out of my daze. "I know something's up, and you're going to tell me now." As she said this she guided me down the stairs and onto the couch, where we sat facing each other._

"_Ok," I agreed. If Luke was angry at me for telling Rory first (which I knew he wouldn't be), I'd use the excuse that Rory wouldn't take no for an answer. And I wanted to tell her first anyway._

_I took a deep breath. "Now, you have to quiet until I tell Luke, because although we tell each other everything, he has the right to know first and­­-"_

"_MOM, STOP" Rory was practically yelling. "I want to know what's wrong, not that you shouldn't really tell me first."_

"_I'm pregnant." There. I'd finally said it. But as soon as I did, I started to cry._

"_Oh, mum," Rory said. "It's ok. Luke will be a great father. And there'll just be three of us instead of two. You'll have another best friend. Hey, maybe this one will be more crazy like you and less sensible like me." She said this with a smile, trying to cheer me up, and knowing me well enough to know it was working._

_I smiled. "Yeah. And Luke will be a great Dad. But I don't want him to; it'll change the dynamics in our household. I want to do it by myself again. Luke'll want to marry me, but I don't want to marry him. I don't really know why I'm crying, I'm happy."_

"_So, tell him you don't want to. And the kid will live here with it's mother anyway, Luke'll just take it more often. And you get free babysitting – what about work during the day? Luke'll take it," said the ever-practical Rory._

_I entered the diner nervously clutching my bag and sat down at the counter. Normally I would be with Rory but I had asked her not to come this morning to give us some space with a promise to bring her some coffee from the diner. As soon as he saw me, Luke turned over a cup and started pouring coffee._

"_Um, decaf please," I told him._

_I had caught him off guard and for a moment he just stopped and stared at me. Finally he said "Why the hell would you want decaf? The only time I have seen you ever drink decaf was when you were pregnant with Rory."_

_That was it. The bomb was dropped. I stared at him for a second and burst into tears._

_He threw the cup down, grabbed my arm, and pulled me upstairs to his apartment. Once I was seated on the couch (still crying, might I add), he stood in front of me and asked me if the baby was his. I nodded. He then asked me what we were going to do._

"_Well, I don't know," I yelled at him. "Why don't you sit down and we can talk about it!"_

_He stood there trying to make sense of this, and finally sat down next to me and held me in his arms._

_I pulled away from him. "I do NOT want to get back together, Luke Danes."_

"_OKAY!" He took a deep breath. "Ok. Do you want to keep the baby?" he asked practically._

"_Yes, I want the baby," I told him firmly. "And I want it to live with me. And I don't want you to marry me."_

_He thought about that for a moment. "Ok then. That's fair enough. But my conditions are that I want an active part in this kid's life. That means not just leaving it with me at your convenience, and sometimes when I'm NOT working."_

"_Ok." I nodded. That I could live with. "So do I get my coffee now?" We went back downstairs._


	2. Chapter 2

After the initial scare, I enjoyed my pregnancy. I enjoyed having an excuse for my mood swings and craziness (not that I ever needed an excuse before), resting, and being waited on by Rory. The only things I missed was caffeine (I hated decaf), being able to do half the crazy stuff I usually do, and work (I was going stir-crazy sitting in the house by myself). But I grew attached to the big lump that grew in my stomach, otherwise known as my kid. I wanted this kid to be like me, and be as much to me as Rory was – everything. I knew I wouldn't get so lonely about Rory going to college in a couple years anymore. And Rory was so excited. She was practically a third parent from the beginning. She was my birth partner and coach, she bonded with it with me, she helped around the house, and she was included in all the decisions, from the color of the nursery to the books that we bought for it. There was only one thing I deprived her from having an opinion in, and that was the name. I had told her from the beginning – and Luke, too, that this was my baby to name, and I wanted to do it myself. This kept e from hours of boredom, going through names in my head or through the baby naming book that Rory had bought for me. Finally, though, the day arrived, and I went into Labour.

_It was January, and fresh snow was on the ground. I knew that my kid would be born when snow was on the ground – after all, it had been snowy every time something major happened in my life. It was my present._

_I woke up suddenly. There was a puddle of water beneath my legs, and my back hurt. I looked at the clock. 3.15am. I tried to go back to sleep. Who wants to get up at 3am on a Thursday morning? I dozed off for a while until there were sharp pains all along my back. It was 10 mins later. Suddenly I knew what was happening._

"_RORY!" I yelled. There was a minute before I heard her thundering up the stairs._

"_What!" she asked. Her position told me she was ready to do anything I wanted her too._

"_Ok, Rory, this is it. You're gonna have to drive me to the hospital. Help me here." She helped me get up and put my robe on before guiding me downstairs and into the car._

"_Ok, good. Now what?" I was never the calm one._

"_Well, you wait here, and I will call Luke while I get your bag." She ran towards the house._

_10 mins later, we were on our way. Luke was following us to the hospital. Much better than Christopher, as he nearly missed Rory's birth. _

_As soon as I got the hospital, I was rushed to a room and told to wait because I was nowhere near delivery. I was told it can take hours, which I knew, as Rory took 8 hours to appear._

_The waiting got very tedious. Rory was the best, staying by my side the whole time, helping me through the pain and entertaining me when I got bored. Luke went in and out, calling people, getting food and coffee, and getting me things I wanted._

_Finally, about 2.45pm, a doctor came in and said, "You're fully dilated. Let's do this." I was wheeled into the delivery room with Rory beside me. Although I didn't really want him there, Luke was allowed to come too, although thankfully he was happy to sit quietly in the corner._

_14 minutes later I was told to push one last time, so I pushed with all of my strength. I then heard a babies cry and "It's a girl." I sank back on the pillows, exhausted but happy. I couldn't stop smiling. Looking around, neither could Rory or Luke. "Wow," I heard Rory whisper._

_Once I was wheeled into the room I would stay in for the next few days, I was given her to hold. _

"_Hey" I said to the little pink bundle. "I'm your mommy. And that's you're big sister, Rory." I showed her._

"_Hey, Mom" Rory said. "What's her name?"_

_I stared down at the baby for a minute. "Lily," I said finally. "Lily Phillippa Gilmore."_

"_Isn't she supposed to be named after someone, following the Gilmore Tradition?" Rory asked._

"_Nope," I said. "Only I get named after, and she can't have the same name as you."_

"_Ok then." One thing Rory had learnt was to never asked questions no matter how crazy I may seem._

_Just then Luke walked in._

"_Luke," I said. "Meet Lily Phillippa Gilmore."_

"_Nice name," he said as he took her from me. He went over to the corner and sat down and just watched her sleep._

_About then I dozed off to sleep too, as happy as I'd ever been._


	3. Chapter 3

After Lily was born, our lives were perfect. We were all happy – Rory, me, Luke and Lily. I was mostly happy with my little family – me, Rory and Lily. The Gilmore Girls. Part of me was glad Lily wasn't a boy, as I liked having no boys in the house. In the first few months, Rory was excellent. She did everything from waking up in the middle of the night for feeds (Lily was bottle fed), to changing diapers. She was like a second mother. And Luke could also always be counted upon to bring food – especially healthy food, which I needed to eat for my milk but refused to buy.

As the years went on, Lily grew up. Soon she was a cute, happy four-year-old with brown hair and a gorgeous smile. She loved everyone and, much to my dismay, would eat the healthy food Luke gave her to eat. She was more like Rory than me – crazy but sensible and mature. She could brighten your day in an instant. She was also a great comfort to me, as Rory was going to college at Yale by this time. Lily kept me from missing her heaps.

But that year things went wrong. Slowly overtime, Lily began to get sick. She was vomiting a lot and wouldn't eat. She was tired all the time, too, and I could see her losing weight fast. But when I saw her abdomen swelling up, I knew it was time to go to the hospital.

"_She has a serious liver disease," the doctor said. _

_My eyes instantly filled with tears. "Rory, go take Lily and read her a story," I said, not wanting Lily to either see me crying or hear what the doctor was going to say._

_I turned back to the doctor. "How bad is it? Can we do anything?" I asked tearfully._

"_Well," he said. "It seems that she's had this disease since she was born. But unfortunately, it's too late to do anything, so she needs a liver transplant. Very soon."_

_I could read into the doctor's words, and I desperately did not want that to happen. "So how do we go about finding a liver?"_

"_Well, you, your husband and any siblings can be tested, and if we don't find a match, the donor registry is our only hope, and unfortunately that can take time Lily doesn't have. Until she has the transplant, she will have to stay in hospital._

_I nodded. "How soon can we be tested?"_

"_Well, if you get tested today, we can have the results back tomorrow. Why don't you come back in an hour with your whole family, and you can all be tested then."_

_I nodded. "Ok, thank you, I'll see you in an hour."_

_My heart was racing as I went out into the hallway. I found Rory and Lily reading _Cinderella_ together in the waiting room._

"_Mommy!" Lily ran to me._

_I hugged her for a minute before kneeling down in front of her to tell her that she was sick. I was still struggling to keep my tears under control. "Lily, Mommy needs to talk to you, Ok?"_

"_Ok," she said solemnly – she could see just how serious this was._

_We sat in chairs across from each other and Rory sat in between. I could see the concern on her face and could tell that she was having trouble choosing who sit with; she wanted to support both of us at the same time._

"_Lily, honey, you are very sick. You have something wrong with your liver, which is here." I pointed to where my liver was and watched her find her own liver. "You are going to have to stay in hospital for a while until you have an operation."_

"_Will the operation hurt?" Having just been given a whole lot of tests including blood tests, she was very sensitive to pain at that moment._

'_No, you'll be asleep so it won't hurt." I smiled to reassure her._

"_Ok." She smiled back._

"_Good girl." I stood up and she went back to the book. At four years of age, she couldn't read yet, but she loved looking at the pictures._

_Rory took over to the other side of the room and sat me down. "What's up?"_

"_Lily has a liver disease but it's too late and if she doesn't have a liver transplant soon she'll die," I said flatly. "In an hour you, me and Luke are all getting tested to see if our livers are a match."_

_Rory was surprisingly calm. By then the tears were flowing down my cheeks. "I don't want to lose her, Ror. I can't. I love her so much. She's no the same as you – you're my firstborn, my confidante, my best friend and my everything. I'm so glad you're old enough for all of this. But Lily…she's my little girl." I finally broke down on Rory's shoulder and cried uncontrollably._

_By this time, Rory was crying too, and I could feel her shoulders shaking as she shared my pain. Suddenly I lifted my head. "I have to tell Luke."_

"_Mom, stay here. I'll call him." Good old Rory, she knew I'd struggle with the phone call – it was probably the hardest I would've had to make in my life._

_I sat there and watched Lily play with the toys in the room. She was so beautiful, it was hard to believe there was something wrong with her. And she was the light of my life…she was sweet, cute, and kind…I was tearing up again._

"_Mom, he's coming." Rory interrupted me._

"_Ok." I stood up. "Do you mind staying with Lily? I'm going to wait for Luke." I couldn't stand it in there anymore, I needed to get out. Also, I needed coffee, which I knew Luke would bring._

"_Ok," Rory agreed. She knew Lily needed to be entertained so that she could be kept from what was really happening._

_I detoured to the bathroom to wash my face and compose myself, even though I knew it wouldn't be long before I was crying again._

_I waited outside for 15 mins before Luke's truck pulled up._

_As soon as we got out, we hugged. I didn't matter that Luke NEVER hugged anyone. At that moment, I was just glad that I had known him for as long as I had; we knew what each other needed at that time and what they were thinking without any words._

"_How is she?" he asked as we walked through the automatic doors._

"_Who? Rory or Lily?" I answered._

_He gave me a look, knowing that I knew who he meant, before changing his mind. "Both."_

"_Rory's upset, but she's putting on a brave front for me and Lily. I've been a mess and she knows I don't want Lily to know how serious things are. Lily…is fine, considering. Despite the pain of what she's been through, plus seeing me upset, she hasn't shed a tear. She's really being brave and mature – just like Rory is." I smiled._

"_What did you tell her?"_

"_I just told her that she's got something wrong with her liver and that she's sick. I also told her that she'll have to stay here until she has an operation and that it won't hurt."_

"_Why is Rory here? Doesn't she have classes on Mondays?"_

"_She does. But this morning when I found Lily's swollen abdomen, I panicked and called Rory at Yale. She knew I was really worried so she came down so we could all go the hospital together."_

"_How come no one called me?"_

_I didn't answer. He didn't expect me to. It was a stupid question. He knew I rang Rory first for everything, and that I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. _

"_What happens if none of us are a match?" he said more gently._

"_They go through the donor registry, which can take time – up to months – which Lily doesn't have, unfortunately."_

On the rest of the way back to the waiting room, Luke and I agreed on 3 rules for the next few days.

While she was in hospital, Lily would have either Luke, Rory or me with her 24/7.

Lily would not see any of us having our liver tested.

Always appear optimistic in front of Lily.

Lily was very brave and didn't seem upset about being in hospital or the IV being inserted. I stayed with her as much as I could, only leaving for the bathroom and to get my liver tested.

The next day, we found out that Luke's liver was a match for Lily. The operation would be first thing the next morning.

"_Thank God." I sank into a chair, thankful that we had found a donor so quickly._

_Luke left to tell Lily. I knew this would be a time for them to bond, and that this liver would be special to the two of them._

_I hugged Rory and we sat there for a moment._

"_Do you want to go home?" she asked. "If nothing else, you can sleep for a few hours – you're not going to get much sleep for the next 48 hours."_

"_Ok," I agreed. "I just want to see Lily first."_

_Rory waited outside while I went in. "Hey honey," I greeted her._

"_Mummy, Daddy's going to give me his liver cos mine doesn't work," she told me._

"_Yeah, that's right." I stroked her hair. "Mummy's going to go home for a little while with Rory but Daddy going to stay here with you Ok?" I looked at Luke and he nodded._

"_Ok. Is Rory here?"_

"_Yeah, she's outside. Do you want to see her?" Lily nodded, so I went outside and came back with Rory._

_Lily smiled at Rory and Rory smiled back but then Rory's smile faded._

"_Ror, what's wrong?" I asked, alarmed._

_She walked over to Lily's IV bag. "Her IV tube is bone dry. It shouldn't be like that; it should have fluid in it."_

"_I'll get someone," said Luke, and promptly left._

That's my Rory. She's so smart and practical, and even the doctors were glad that she'd noticed, even though they wouldn't tell us what would've happened had it been left like that.

So the next morning Luke and Lily both went into surgery, Luke a going in a few minutes before Lily.

"_Thanks Luke, this is great, it really is." I told him before he was wheeled off._

"_Well, I'm her father. You don't have to thank me."_

"_Right." I wasn't really underestimating him, just telling him how grateful I was._

"_Mom," Rory was at the door. She'd just been with Lily. Now it was time to switch._

"_Well…bye." I didn't really know how to do this, especially since we didn't really have a friendship anymore._

_I went into Lily's room._

"_Hey," I went and sat next to her on the bed, stroking her hair._

"_Mom, am I going to be Ok?" Lily looked at me, her eyes full of fear._

"_Of course. When you're better you can choose all the movies for the next movie night," I promised._

"_Ok," her eyes lit up for a moment._

_Just then the doctors and nurses came in to wheel her away. Lily instantly turned to me, her eyes full of fear again._

"_Can I come in with her?" I asked. I hadn't even thought of it up until that moment._

"_Yes, until she's asleep."_

_We went into the hall where I caught Rory's eye and motioned to her where I was going. She nodded._

_Once in the operating room, Lily was given gas to fall asleep. I held her hand the whole time, and, just as her eyes were closing, I whispered, "I love you kid."_


	4. Chapter 4

That day, Rory and I waited for hours. She tried to get me to go home or eat, but I refused. She ate, but didn't leave my side. The only way I kept my strength up was through my comfort drink: coffee.

"_In case, I haven't told you, I love you," I said to Rory._

"_I love you too," she told me. _

"_Thanks for being here. I mean, really. You've almost missed a week of classes to be my support."_

"_She's my sister too."_

"_Yeah, but I know how you've been here for me as much as Lily."_

_At that moment a doctor approached us and we both stood up, eagerly awaiting news._

"_How are they?" I asked nervously._

_Rory instinctively stood closer to me._

"_We got the liver out of Mr Danes Ok, and he's fine. He's in recovery now."_

_My Mom radar instantly went up. "And Lily?"_

"_We put the liver in, but unfortunately there were complications and she died. I'm sorry."_

"_NO!" I sank back on the chair, crying uncontrollably._

_Rory sat down and put her arm around me, but I was inconsolable._

_The doctor continued to speak. "We have some counsellors and chaplains in the hospital if you'd like someone to talk to."_

"_No thank you," Rory answered for me and the doctor finally left._

_For an hour Rory and I just sat there and cried in each others arms._

"_Miss Gilmore?" I jumped._

"_Yes?" I said, standing up. _

_Another doctor was standing there. "Mr Danes is now awake in his room and asking about Lily. Would you like us to tell him about Lily or would you like to?"_

"_We will, thank you," I told him. I knew Luke would be furious if we let some doctor tell him._

_When the doctor left, I turned to Rory._

"_I can't see him, Ror. I don't want to see Luke."_

"_Mom, calm down. I'll tell him."_

"_Ok," I said, actually calming down. I took a deep breath. 'I'm going to go see if I can see Lily – you know, to say goodbye."_

_Rory understood this and headed towards Luke's room as I approached a doctor and enquired about seeing Lily._

"_Sure, come with me." He led me to the operating room, which had been cleared. All there was was Lily on the table, looking like she was sleeping. I had a hard time believing she wasn't going to wake up and tell me she was all better. I smiled in spite of my tears; she was so beautiful. I began to talk to her._

"_Hey kid," I said softly._

_I laughed. "God, you had to do this to me, didn't you? You knew it'd make me crazy, and it has, so…I don't know." I grew serious again._

"_I'm sorry you had to leave us, but I'm sure it's great up there. I'll miss you, and so will Rory and Daddy. I love you so much, more than you ever knew. Rory loves you too – and Daddy, but they can't come see you. So…bye, and again, I love you." I kissed her on the forehead and went out._


	5. Chapter 5

The next week went buy in a blur. The funeral was the hardest part. We had a wake at our house afterwards, and Sookie was catering, so I'm sure it was excellent, only Rory and I spent the whole time up on my bed crying and talking with each other, despite my mother's protests of being rude.

She didn't understand. The grief was mine and Rory's, and ours only. We'd lost a fellow Gilmore Girl. Yes, I know everyone else was sad, especially Luke, but no one loved Lily more than Rory and me. We refused to let anyone else share in our grief.

So that's the story of how our lives changed forever. Rory dropped out of college for the remainder of the semester to stay and help and keep me company. She knew I'd go totally crazy without someone in the house those first 6 months.

Rory and I will never be the same again, and we will always have that bond to each other – the bond of Lily.


End file.
